I have a whole new slew of slang that has risen up out of an unknown source. You might hear me sigh and say, ‘Lord, lord, Mother lord’ during a moment of chaos.

Sometimes I just say ‘Mother’ and that is enough. This is my new go-to swear word that I use when I am feeling tested.

For example, if I am frustrated with myself for gently but thoroughly emptying my cold tea into my purse as I try to take absolutely everything out of the car in one go, I might say to myself, with some testiness,

‘Lord, Mother, what are you doing?’

I am not sure if I am taking to myself, my mother, or some larger presence.

Give me goddam strength, I might add.

But now it’s March and that’s good. The ice is melting and exposing thick red mud that will coat my boots and the paws of the cats who will track it through the house. A fat robin came to visit my study window. A real beauty, and that made me smile.

Spring is an emotional time. We greet it with joy and anticipation; we savour the fresh warm moments and the smell of the earth. But although we might be glad to to be released from the white glare and icy temperatures of winter, spring is no lamb. There will be torrential rains and hard, cold winds that can blow trees down.

But I love it all. The changing seasons are my love. I live by them and for them. I don’t think I could move away and lose them. California is not a dream for me. The seasons root me, sway me, ground me.

During the last five years of shocking governmental and bureaucratic behavoiur I have depended on the seasons changing to keep me connected to what I know and who I am. At least the seasons will not change. They cannot stop the tide, they cannot manipulate the sun and the spinning of the earth.

I remember when I had the realization that my focus on pregnancy had been sort of fanciful compared to dealing with the actual baby in my arms. The process of creating an infant out of body had fascinated me. What I am feeing now? Have I changed? Am I scared? Hungry? Tired?

And then the baby arrived and nothing else mattered. Looking back, the pregnancy seemed like a very short and oddly self involved time. The arrival of the baby changed everything and I too was changed. My priorities, my expectations, my needs and my world view changed.

Now five years later, that’s what the COVID period feels like to me, the pregnancy before the birth. It was a preamble, it was the foreword.

It was the introduction to a much bigger change. We were stunned by the quiet of the global shut downs and almost lulled into acquiescence at first. How nice was it when the world slowed down?

But as the truth began to emerge and the influence and treachery of the media became apparent, it became clear that we were being manipulated to live in fear and turn on each other. It was shocking. Borders, fines, restrictions, exclusions. What was this new society?

During the shock and awe of the first few weeks, months, years, I remember taking comfort in the seasons. At least they cannot touch the seasons, I innocently thought. They can’t manipulate the earth, the sea, the skies. At least we have that.

But now when I look in the sky and see the haze or the long strips of clouds, I squint angrily at their audacity. Or when I hear the news announcing another unprecedented night of ‘northern lights’ I curse the scientists for taking risks with our world. The hubris!

COVID was only the beginning, that is clear. Once the veil lifts it is impossible to see any other reality. A crisis is a useful tool for removing human rights. The battle against ‘climate change’ is being fought without our agreement or knowledge.

There are those who will argue that climate change is such a serious crisis that we cannot afford to wait for popular agreement, otherwise known as democracy, and we must act now. But do I even want to live on this earth when it is ruled in this totalitarian manner?

We argue that our country is the land of the free but we are being re-educated right now. Freedom of thought, freedom of speech, freedom of movement, these are antique and collectible concepts. Keep an eye on these ideals because a world in crisis cannot afford such luxuries.

I know there are other ways of facing global warming. We could concentrate on pollution reduction and industry controls. We could plan for storms and create new housing for those who might be forced to move.

But we should not be messing with mother earth. These scientific experiments are notoriously dangerous and fool hardy. There will be ‘adverse reactions’ and ‘unexpected outcomes”.

When we say we are ‘saving the earth’ we really mean we are saving some of the people. The same people who are are doing all the damage.

Mother earth does not need saving. She will outlast us. The earth, this spinning ball, will continue on its path. It might be hit by a meteor. Our mother might feel like its time for an ice age or she might be in the mood for a hot flash. She will decide.

Lord Mother, Mother Lord. Give me strength. When I put my feet on the ground I can feel the tremours.