I was never officially diagnosed with anxiety/depression but once I was deep in, it seemed like the proper descriptive name.
Unexpected surges of adrenalin at any time of day would leave my body exhausted and my nerves frayed. And then, the less I was able to sleep or eat, the more exhausted and shaky I became, leaving me feeling emotionally depleted, or depressed.
I saw my doctor, and decided not to take the anti-depressants, I read a book about adrenaline gland exhaustion, and then I went to my good homeopathic doctor, Dr. Ravi Kancharla, to help me regain my health. He did and I am so grateful every day for a good night’s sleep and a good appetite and calm digestion.
Probably quite a few of your friends, or you yourself, have been diagnosed with some sort of mental illness. We all have mood swings and sleepless nights sometimes. But when your moods and thoughts take over so that you can no longer enjoy life, and you are battling your symptoms every day, then you want help.
You may spend a certain amount of time wondering whether the problem is external; is it my job, my housing, my partner? But your health may or may not be regained by changing your scene.
It could be that a bunch of conditions may have converged all at once, medical conditions or accidents that have exhausted or depleted your resources and too much stress without a break. And then, ‘kapow’, you are waking up in a sweat needing to throw up, or feeling unable to lift your head off the pillow in the morning.
Once I was healthy again I recognized that much of what I went through was just an exaggeration of weaknesses that I have had all along. My digestion goes when I am exhausted, and I become super sensitive to irritants and I might even have trouble sleeping occasionally. But in the case of the full blown attack, I was just more exhausted than I had ever been before.
It was a tough few years but it wasn’t all bad. Now I really know what people are talking about when they refer to anxiety or depression, I don’t have to pretend to understand.
I wonder if acknowledging your own weaknesses and your own personal madness and accepting it, is necessary to survival.
We all know people who seem quite mad but are happy and productive. Then there are those who seem fine but are actually suicidal. I am suggesting the difference is that the one mad person has accepted his madness, and the other is questioning his own mind.
“You know”, said an old friend of mine when I told her about the nude modeling post, “ You are a little bit crazy”. And I replied, confidently, “Oh, I know, I accept it, I come from a family of mad women”.
4 thoughts on “Recognizing your own Madness”
It is as if I wrote this. Except the nude modeling part…
and holy is his dread to that dark
which will neither promise or explain
W. H. Auden “Age of Anxiety”
recommend the book ” A Brief History of Anxiety (yours and mine)” by Patricia Pearson, I have it if you want t borrow it come October
ah yes…it can be a painful dark time…been down that hole now three times in 3 decades. therapy included a song i wrote called “welcome to the madhouse” – it’s about coming to realize that craving sanity is a circle that fosters further madness. Acceptance and customized coping strategies can make a dark world so much brighter…
Yes, Yes, and yes. I agree with all of what you say. I come from a long line of mad women.
My grandmother was anxious and depressed. My mother I think is bi-polar but goes untreated. I have anxiety dis-order and think I have had it for my entire life and my oldest daughter has it to. It is genetic and needs to be discussed and people need not be frightened of it. Like you did you can choose your path. I have always stayed away from anti-depressents, but do need anti-anxiety meds, I can’t function as well with out them – good for you for blogging this!