I have unceremoniously thrown myself back into life as if I am young and full of energy.

I am a student again, working towards my MFA, and at the moment, a waitress. Always working, not entirely sure of my future, I am fully engaged with life.

I’m not always upbeat, or even good tempered, but I am here.

I am glad that my young colleagues and co-workers find me amusing. I am not sure what they are seeing when they shine their friendly little smiles my way, is it my never tidy hair? But I will take good vibes in any form.

Do I feel like I am twenty one years old? No, but I don’t feel like I am 63 either. I guess age is truly just a number.

Do I miss the joie de vivre of youth, the robust health, the general glee, the pleasure in moving my young body through space? Yes! But I am genuinely grateful for the health and energy I have right now. No kidding.

Did I expect this to be my life in my sixties? Not really! Am I going to continue with this question format? No, I cannot do it.

As a young woman I pictured my older days as more urban, sociable and financially sound. I didn’t imagine I would be anxious about money at this time in my life and I think a lot of Canadians would agree with me there.

But if I examine my life with perspective, cool and distanced, I can see that my ‘old age’ could have been predicted by anyone keeping tabs. After all, if you don’t prioritize money and career, those things are not going to materialize on their own.

In any case, in my early twenties I didn’t know bupkis about life. I was just a kid who thought life would somehow be easier without parents and that friends were for life.

Today, in my beautiful, rustic home, swimming with the tides and puttering in my garden, I am glad of the riches that I do have and I am challenged by my new adventures.

I am not sitting in a canvas tent chair on the sidelines of the action frowning at a sunny field filled with smiling, young people full of purpose.

Instead, I’m smiling in a slightly strained way, my tired legs propelling me forward as I run forward to kick at a ball in the field, risking putting my hip out.

I am not out the game yet. I can still dream of a better job and a more secure and satisfying life, personally and nationally.